Well, I can only suggest that you consider dorming at a college for four years before dreaming about making it on your own in the world without an education. It is simply too expensive and unreliable for those who are educated and gainfully employed, let alone a teenager starting out in the world. If your home life is not ideal, you need to weigh your pros and your cons.
What do you like about being home?
Don't say "nothing!"
Your parents/guardians and/or siblings have many perks. Maybe it is easier to eat when it's a group meal. Perhaps you will miss the noise. Some people really struggle with their desire to move out and their inability (or lack of practice) to be alone.
What do you hope to achieve by this move?
Sometimes family values are a major conflict for a young person. Maybe your parents are very different than you, and it helps to create some distance for the sake of getting along better!
Whatever you decide to do, consider your social life and responsibilities. Keep in mind that you will be in charge of buying everything and providing for yourself, food and heat included! If you're not financially ready or employable, don't bother making your life miserabl by adding unrealistic expectations to your young years.
If you dorm, it may be the best time to practice being independent. For four years, you can have a nice balance between sustained living and being independent. At times, you will be completely on your own, and at other times, you will feel very happy to share with others in being grown-up. There is no reason to miss out on the experience of dorming. The student loans and costs you may have in order to dorm are a better investment than paying rent on your own without getting an education in the end!
Monday, April 6, 2009
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Is there a right age to have your first serious relationship?
One of the great things about being young is that you can make mistakes. Relationships are a learning experience, and they are the tools by which a young woman learns to start and maintain better relationships in time. There is no manual anyone can follow, because everyone is happy by way of different stimulation and interaction. However, it is never too late to gain perspective.
Relationships end. Since this ia a reality whether you are 14 or 40, it is important to remain grounded in your approach to a relationship. Don't feel bogged by the swarms of friends who have "steady" and "serious" relationships, as statistically, the odds of them still being with their current significant other can only be LESS than the 50% of marriages between adults that end up in divorce. Keep that in mind. Adults make mistakes, and they supposedly know better. Don't make your relationship the "end all and be all" by defending an unhappy situation or insisting you cannot do better. You will.
If you find yourself choosing a wonderful young partner, you should both respect your young lives and focus on your individual goals and futures. It is very romantic to get married young and say you've found "the one," but what good can finding this said one soulmate be when you are uneducated and unemployed? Focus on college and focus on a career. If you can juggle a serious love affair at the same time, power to you! Get your priorities straight first.
The younger you are, the more time you have to explore your options, and your options for future mates and spouses is only made larger by the width of the circle of success you create. If you don't go to college, where will you meet an educated partner? If you decide not to work after college, how will you develop a responsible nature to build a family? It seems understandable now why many lawyers and doctors marry other lawyers and doctors, because they've all been in school together for extended amounts of time, even if they did not attend the same graduate schools. In effect, throughout life, "like seeks like," and if you want to have a happy life, your first step is to take yourself seriously. Then, take your relationship seriously.
In the meantime, enjoy and learn. Oh, and be very safe. Don't do anything stupid, ok?
Relationships end. Since this ia a reality whether you are 14 or 40, it is important to remain grounded in your approach to a relationship. Don't feel bogged by the swarms of friends who have "steady" and "serious" relationships, as statistically, the odds of them still being with their current significant other can only be LESS than the 50% of marriages between adults that end up in divorce. Keep that in mind. Adults make mistakes, and they supposedly know better. Don't make your relationship the "end all and be all" by defending an unhappy situation or insisting you cannot do better. You will.
If you find yourself choosing a wonderful young partner, you should both respect your young lives and focus on your individual goals and futures. It is very romantic to get married young and say you've found "the one," but what good can finding this said one soulmate be when you are uneducated and unemployed? Focus on college and focus on a career. If you can juggle a serious love affair at the same time, power to you! Get your priorities straight first.
The younger you are, the more time you have to explore your options, and your options for future mates and spouses is only made larger by the width of the circle of success you create. If you don't go to college, where will you meet an educated partner? If you decide not to work after college, how will you develop a responsible nature to build a family? It seems understandable now why many lawyers and doctors marry other lawyers and doctors, because they've all been in school together for extended amounts of time, even if they did not attend the same graduate schools. In effect, throughout life, "like seeks like," and if you want to have a happy life, your first step is to take yourself seriously. Then, take your relationship seriously.
In the meantime, enjoy and learn. Oh, and be very safe. Don't do anything stupid, ok?
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Should I Take Out a Student Loan to Go to the College that I want?
Yes.
There is an understanding that everyone is entitled to financial aid and a free ride to college. Put yourself in comparison to the many prospective college students who have a real need--you may not actually "need" free money. The government will, however, help you by allowing you to borrow money for school.
There are very few exceptions to being considered independent and not using your parents' income for the FAFSA application. You either have to be married or have a child in order to show proof that your income is yours alone. Anyone under 24 years of age is required to submit parental income taxes. That's the bad news.
The good news is that you, not your parents, reserve the right to agree to a loan for your education. You can invest in yourself.
At this time of year, many students struggle with the idea of getting into debt before they even have a job. Well, you won't get the job you want if you don't choose the college that will motivate you. An education is good anywhere, but if you deserve the best, give yourself the best by trusting in your ability to pay back a few thousand dollars. The average monthly payment for a student loan is about $50-$150 dollars a month. If you're making $30, 000, you'll be able to afford this small payment.
Remember, you can defer a student loan and you do not start payments until 6 months after you are no longer a student. It doesn't get any better than that.
There is an understanding that everyone is entitled to financial aid and a free ride to college. Put yourself in comparison to the many prospective college students who have a real need--you may not actually "need" free money. The government will, however, help you by allowing you to borrow money for school.
There are very few exceptions to being considered independent and not using your parents' income for the FAFSA application. You either have to be married or have a child in order to show proof that your income is yours alone. Anyone under 24 years of age is required to submit parental income taxes. That's the bad news.
The good news is that you, not your parents, reserve the right to agree to a loan for your education. You can invest in yourself.
At this time of year, many students struggle with the idea of getting into debt before they even have a job. Well, you won't get the job you want if you don't choose the college that will motivate you. An education is good anywhere, but if you deserve the best, give yourself the best by trusting in your ability to pay back a few thousand dollars. The average monthly payment for a student loan is about $50-$150 dollars a month. If you're making $30, 000, you'll be able to afford this small payment.
Remember, you can defer a student loan and you do not start payments until 6 months after you are no longer a student. It doesn't get any better than that.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
How do I know what I want?
Q: How do you know what you want when others have always told you what to do or what you want?
A: This is a difficult question. Knowing what you want changes. You may think, for example, that banana is your favorite fruit all your life and then, in college someone offers you a kiwi and you fall in love. You think you like guys with blue eyes and you marry a man with brown eyes. Preferences change.
I think what you are asking is: If other people are constantly putting their two cents in my business, how can I ever develop my own original ideas for my life and decisions? Ya, that's what I thought you asked.
Well, let's start with the first culprits: parents. They mean well. For the most part, they love you and care enough about you to have something to say. The problem occurs when you have a sheltered lifestyle and parents unyielding to reality. I sanction any type of rebellion against parents who are under the impression that "protecting" you from the world is somehow going to help you as an adult. If they can't "get with it," then, go ahead of get out. I'm not saying run away and never come home. Don't be a fool! Plan. Follow as much of their rules as you can, get yourself a degree, and move out. Make a budget, goal, and timeline. Stick to it. Once you're 18, no one can hold you back.
If you are listening to your teachers and counselors, be careful. They may know you rather well, but they know you as a student. As a student, you may be trying too hard or too little, and your efforts may not be reflective of the type of efforts you will place in life or in your future. People change as they get older, and a negative or pushy educator is truly keeping yourbest interests in mind. HOWEVER, they have a job. Their job is to process you in a manner that makes them look good. Have faith in their expertise, but please, be cynical enough to realize they get paid to be good at what they do.
Friends should flat out be ignored! Anyone your age should be focusing on themselves, not you. They may want to influence your decisions, but their opinion should just be elements to consider. Some friends really want you to succeed and be happy, but how many people in your life are so dedicated to your happiness that they will want you to be more successful than them? Anyone who tries to keep you around by telling you to go to school with them or join the same activities (or not join) is keeping their best interests in mind.
Listen to yourself. Even if you don't know yourself that well yet--you will. Life is a learning process, and you have to be able to ignore others who are in the same process. Even your parents are still learning about life, no matter how old or wise they seem.
A: This is a difficult question. Knowing what you want changes. You may think, for example, that banana is your favorite fruit all your life and then, in college someone offers you a kiwi and you fall in love. You think you like guys with blue eyes and you marry a man with brown eyes. Preferences change.
I think what you are asking is: If other people are constantly putting their two cents in my business, how can I ever develop my own original ideas for my life and decisions? Ya, that's what I thought you asked.
Well, let's start with the first culprits: parents. They mean well. For the most part, they love you and care enough about you to have something to say. The problem occurs when you have a sheltered lifestyle and parents unyielding to reality. I sanction any type of rebellion against parents who are under the impression that "protecting" you from the world is somehow going to help you as an adult. If they can't "get with it," then, go ahead of get out. I'm not saying run away and never come home. Don't be a fool! Plan. Follow as much of their rules as you can, get yourself a degree, and move out. Make a budget, goal, and timeline. Stick to it. Once you're 18, no one can hold you back.
If you are listening to your teachers and counselors, be careful. They may know you rather well, but they know you as a student. As a student, you may be trying too hard or too little, and your efforts may not be reflective of the type of efforts you will place in life or in your future. People change as they get older, and a negative or pushy educator is truly keeping yourbest interests in mind. HOWEVER, they have a job. Their job is to process you in a manner that makes them look good. Have faith in their expertise, but please, be cynical enough to realize they get paid to be good at what they do.
Friends should flat out be ignored! Anyone your age should be focusing on themselves, not you. They may want to influence your decisions, but their opinion should just be elements to consider. Some friends really want you to succeed and be happy, but how many people in your life are so dedicated to your happiness that they will want you to be more successful than them? Anyone who tries to keep you around by telling you to go to school with them or join the same activities (or not join) is keeping their best interests in mind.
Listen to yourself. Even if you don't know yourself that well yet--you will. Life is a learning process, and you have to be able to ignore others who are in the same process. Even your parents are still learning about life, no matter how old or wise they seem.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Is My Teacher Allowed to Call Me Names?
My teacher picked on me in front of the whole class by saying that I was a “silly girl.” All I did was make a joke when I answered a question in class, but the whole class laughed. She got a mad about it, and now, she calls me a silly girl all of the time. Sometimes she calls me that when I have the right answers, too! I’m not sure if I am being too sensitive.
Help!
Silly Girl
Dear Silly Girl,
You are not being silly! This is serious. True, it is not like your teacher cursed at you in front of the class, but it is not professional to call a student names. Sometimes a teacher may slip—they are human, but to continue to do so is not alright. I’m sure you do not want to cause a scene or get her in trouble. You may not want your parents involved, too. The first thing you must do is speak to your teacher after class one day in private, nicely and calmly ask for her to stop calling you names. Make sure you say something to the effect that you know she did not mean to hurt your feelings, but that you don’t want the other kids to start repeating her teasing. Say that it makes you feel uncomfortable. Don’t make it a big deal—yet. Hopefully, the teacher will acknowledge and say she was kidding. Write a thank you note referring to your conversation and photocopy it before you send it—include the date! If the harassment continues or if the teacher’s behavior changes on you for the negative, immediately inform your parents. They should be the ones to bring this up to your school’s administration. Good luck!Love, Gail
Help!
Silly Girl
Dear Silly Girl,
You are not being silly! This is serious. True, it is not like your teacher cursed at you in front of the class, but it is not professional to call a student names. Sometimes a teacher may slip—they are human, but to continue to do so is not alright. I’m sure you do not want to cause a scene or get her in trouble. You may not want your parents involved, too. The first thing you must do is speak to your teacher after class one day in private, nicely and calmly ask for her to stop calling you names. Make sure you say something to the effect that you know she did not mean to hurt your feelings, but that you don’t want the other kids to start repeating her teasing. Say that it makes you feel uncomfortable. Don’t make it a big deal—yet. Hopefully, the teacher will acknowledge and say she was kidding. Write a thank you note referring to your conversation and photocopy it before you send it—include the date! If the harassment continues or if the teacher’s behavior changes on you for the negative, immediately inform your parents. They should be the ones to bring this up to your school’s administration. Good luck!Love, Gail
Should I Disobey My Parents' Dating Rules?
My parents have given me strict orders that I cannot date while I am in high school. They think I should focus on my grades to get into college. I do understand that it’s important for me to pay attention in school, but I do not agree with their rules. Most of my friends go out with their boyfriends. It’s not like I plan on getting married next year. I’m 15! Should I just date behind their backs? If I do, what is the best way to get away with it?
Thanks,
Playing Games
Dear Playing Games,
The fact that you used the name, Playing Games, says plenty! Many parents think it’s silly to get yourself into a relationship of the opposite sex in high school. You are going about this all wrong. First of all, have you stopped to think about why your parents don’t want you to date? Contrary to what you may think, it’s not because they want to see you live a nerdy life. With so many girls getting pregnant, raped, and even killed by crazy love triangles and bad relationships, it is only fair to respect why your parents feel this way. Is that clear? Now, is it fair to order you not to date? It is their house. You live in it. You can’t get away with much without getting in trouble. If your friends make fun of you, simply explain that your parents are “really into college.” Don’t keep saying that they don’t want you to have a boyfriend. That’s not the reason. They don’t want you to mess up the good things you have going on now. So, how do you change their minds? Prove to them that you can handle your responsibilities first. Although some parents may never change their rules, it’s best to speak up. If they want you to get good grades, you better believe that being a B student will not justify earning yourself rights to a boyfriend. Give them straight As and maybe they will consider it. If they want you to have lots of friends then, join a team or club after school. If your soon-to-be boyfriend is a good friend you’ve worked or played with, they are more likely to trust him. Always remember how young you are and that you’re not planning on getting married. Having a boyfriend right now is not a necessity. You can worry about not having a boyfriend more when you’ve finished your education and have a career. Then, your new problem will be learning how to stop your parents from asking “why aren’t you married yet?”
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
What is Love?
This question has been asked by several of our readers (and its writers) time and time again. I figure it is the best "first" question to answer.
Q: What is Love?
A: Everyone has a different answer for this question, young or old, married or single, conservative or liberal, and maybe there is something to be said for this fact. Love is different for everyone, because there are different types of love just as there are different types of people. Yes, love is love--you care, you share, you dare. More than the traditional expressions of it, love is hard to describe, and that's why it is individualized.
Yet, how do you know if you love or are loved? This is when it can be tricky. The younger the lovee or lover, love may be overwhelmed by other influences on the emotions: lust, insecurity, friendship, admiration, loneliness, and so on and so forth. It is for these reasons that many older people look at "teen" or "puppy" love as a supposed lesser form of "real love."
Love is not less real simply due to age.
Love is what you believe love to be for yourself at this time in your life. Love meets your needs at your current stage in life and grants you the capacity to express it in the way that you are able for now and in the future. Yes, trust and a fine-tuned level of altruism are important, but love involves wanting the best for the other person. You can love your brother, your friend, and your boyfriend by simply keeping their feelings, goals, and best interest in mind when you speak to them and with your actions. Love is the same at a basic level.
Being in love is a layered process. As you grow older, your ability to love builds on itself. This is why loving at a young age is crucial to your development as a person. You don't need to be caught making out with your boyfriend at age 14 to be in love. Even if you're 20, physical attraction is just one small component of loving, important and essential as it may be. Building on your concept of a trusting relationship with the opposite sex will become important in your capacity to find the right partner for yourself when the time comes for you to settle down. It will also prepare you to handle the potential (and likely) heartbreak that comes with developing your concept of love.
Tips: Be yourself. Have fun. Relax. Remember, you're not planning on getting married in high school, and if you are, missy, you need to ask us more questions! ;)
Back to www.gibberless.com
Q: What is Love?
A: Everyone has a different answer for this question, young or old, married or single, conservative or liberal, and maybe there is something to be said for this fact. Love is different for everyone, because there are different types of love just as there are different types of people. Yes, love is love--you care, you share, you dare. More than the traditional expressions of it, love is hard to describe, and that's why it is individualized.
Yet, how do you know if you love or are loved? This is when it can be tricky. The younger the lovee or lover, love may be overwhelmed by other influences on the emotions: lust, insecurity, friendship, admiration, loneliness, and so on and so forth. It is for these reasons that many older people look at "teen" or "puppy" love as a supposed lesser form of "real love."
Love is not less real simply due to age.
Love is what you believe love to be for yourself at this time in your life. Love meets your needs at your current stage in life and grants you the capacity to express it in the way that you are able for now and in the future. Yes, trust and a fine-tuned level of altruism are important, but love involves wanting the best for the other person. You can love your brother, your friend, and your boyfriend by simply keeping their feelings, goals, and best interest in mind when you speak to them and with your actions. Love is the same at a basic level.
Being in love is a layered process. As you grow older, your ability to love builds on itself. This is why loving at a young age is crucial to your development as a person. You don't need to be caught making out with your boyfriend at age 14 to be in love. Even if you're 20, physical attraction is just one small component of loving, important and essential as it may be. Building on your concept of a trusting relationship with the opposite sex will become important in your capacity to find the right partner for yourself when the time comes for you to settle down. It will also prepare you to handle the potential (and likely) heartbreak that comes with developing your concept of love.
Tips: Be yourself. Have fun. Relax. Remember, you're not planning on getting married in high school, and if you are, missy, you need to ask us more questions! ;)
Back to www.gibberless.com
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