How do I know what I want?

Q: How do you know what you want when others have always told you what to do or what you want?

A: This is a difficult question. Knowing what you want changes. You may think, for example, that banana is your favorite fruit all your life and then, in college someone offers you a kiwi and you fall in love. You think you like guys with blue eyes and you marry a man with brown eyes. Preferences change.

I think what you are asking is: If other people are constantly putting their two cents in my business, how can I ever develop my own original ideas for my life and decisions? Ya, that's what I thought you asked.

Well, let's start with the first culprits: parents. They mean well. For the most part, they love you and care enough about you to have something to say. The problem occurs when you have a sheltered lifestyle and parents unyielding to reality. I sanction any type of rebellion against parents who are under the impression that "protecting" you from the world is somehow going to help you as an adult. If they can't "get with it," then, go ahead of get out. I'm not saying run away and never come home. Don't be a fool! Plan. Follow as much of their rules as you can, get yourself a degree, and move out. Make a budget, goal, and timeline. Stick to it. Once you're 18, no one can hold you back.

If you are listening to your teachers and counselors, be careful. They may know you rather well, but they know you as a student. As a student, you may be trying too hard or too little, and your efforts may not be reflective of the type of efforts you will place in life or in your future. People change as they get older, and a negative or pushy educator is truly keeping yourbest interests in mind. HOWEVER, they have a job. Their job is to process you in a manner that makes them look good. Have faith in their expertise, but please, be cynical enough to realize they get paid to be good at what they do.

Friends should flat out be ignored! Anyone your age should be focusing on themselves, not you. They may want to influence your decisions, but their opinion should just be elements to consider. Some friends really want you to succeed and be happy, but how many people in your life are so dedicated to your happiness that they will want you to be more successful than them? Anyone who tries to keep you around by telling you to go to school with them or join the same activities (or not join) is keeping their best interests in mind.

Listen to yourself. Even if you don't know yourself that well yet--you will. Life is a learning process, and you have to be able to ignore others who are in the same process. Even your parents are still learning about life, no matter how old or wise they seem.